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Literature Text
This jacket
smells like smoke.
This moment
feels so fake.
You are
important to me.
But you are
not what I always wanted.
I stay
because I am afraid to leave.
That’s not fair to you.
And in this moment,
in my smoke-filled jacket,
in the pouring rain,
in your arms,
I feel like a liar.
smells like smoke.
This moment
feels so fake.
You are
important to me.
But you are
not what I always wanted.
I stay
because I am afraid to leave.
That’s not fair to you.
And in this moment,
in my smoke-filled jacket,
in the pouring rain,
in your arms,
I feel like a liar.
Doubts... Always doubts...
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Comments3
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Overall
Vision
Originality Technique ImpactI loved this to death. It was amazing. Not much I can downplay about this one, simply amazing. The way it is so simple yet it opens the mind to a picture as clear as day. The only thing I can say is your sentences feel very choppy. They tell a story and just end, it just might be the periods in there but it feels like the feeling never reaches its full extent due to the fact that that little buzz kill of a stopper at the end of each sentence. My suggestion fuck periods. Good for paragraphs but for spoken word in my opinion they are not needed.